Overheard on a flight on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain really had to fight the weather. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Anchorage, Alaska. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
After landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system to explain the arrival: "Sorry for the hard landing folks. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphalt."
An airline pilot hammered his ship into the runway really hard on a certain flight. The airline had a policy, which required the pilot to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of the bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no M'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" "